More content, less bitter.

"...for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."
Philippians 4:11

This was my Scripture of the Day Yesterday.

This is what comes up when you Google the word "content:"
  1. 1.
    in a state of peaceful happiness.
    "he seemed more content, less bitter"

Well, then!
Let's be honest, shall we?

I try to stay positive and hopeful through the struggles of infertility, and yes, the Lord has blessed me with peace since losing my first pregnancy at 12 weeks. 

But, honestly, am I content? Am I more content, and less bitter? That definition was so profound to me. 

I would like to think I am perfectly content, but, Ha! That would be a big ol' fat lie. Somedays I am a little bitter... okay, honestly, some days I am quite bitter. 
I get bitter, because there are teenagers having babies.
I get bitter, because there are women getting pregnant from one-night stands.
I get bitter, because there are women getting pregnant on birth control.
I get bitter, because there are couples who just say, "Baby!" and get pregnant.
I get bitter, when a mother with a crying baby says to me, "Are you sure you want one of these?" (Duh, lady! I didn't pay thousands of dollars to get pregnant, because I am unsure about having children)
I get bitter about the expense of infertility, taking medicine, having ultrasounds, getting my blood drawn, and peeing on sticks.
And I get bitter, because for 2 years we dreamed of finally becoming parents and when the dream, finally, came true it got cut short. 

So, yes, OKAY! Don't judge me! I am quite bitter some days. Not every day, but some days. Which, I guess, means that I am not so content...

What a profound affect this little scripture and definition have had on me! I NEED to be content. I need to be happy with where I am. This is my life! It's not going to change right now. I have to accept that and enjoy every minute of it. 

So, for now atleast, I am not peeing on sticks or getting my blood drawn every other week. I am going to be in a state of peaceful happiness. I am going to be content with my amazing husband. I am going to enjoy being an aunt to two perfectly adorable nephews before I get caught up being a mom to my own cute kids (Yes, my children will be the most darling gingers you've ever seen!)

What, in your life, is making you bitter? Give it up! Let it go! That is what I have to say today. Choose to be content. Choose to stop being bitter. Choose to change and be happy. That is all in your power.

Much love.