Some people wear their emotions on their sleeves, while I, apparently, carry mine in my hair. Anytime I am faced with emotional distress, or great life changes, I bust out the scissors or the hair dye.
High School graduation: cut 8 inches and black low-lights
19th Birthday: box dye black hair
1st year living on my own: blonde highlights
Boyfriend left on mission: platinum blonde
Break-up: return to redhead
Break-up, again (don't ask! lol): chop to chin
Happily married: grew hair out- longest it's ever been!
Miscarriage: emotional box dye job that, thankfully, didn't really go cherry black!
So, as I faced starting Femara again, I found myself falling into a black hole that I couldn't seem to get out of. I had worked so hard to find happiness after our loss, and I really was content for so long. But starting the process to get pregnant again just knocked me right out of that happy zone. I was feeling so depressed and my attitude completely sucked! I was grumpy and whined about my stupid ovaries incessantly. And, if I am honest, with my due date fast-approaching I am reminded that our baby isn't coming, and I don't think that will ever stop hurting.
When I woke up Sunday morning I did not want to go to church. I felt so tired from the Femara and I just wanted to pull the covers back up over my head, cry my eyes out and go back to sleep, buuuut I had done that the Sunday before. I forced myself out of bed and we walked into the foyer, late, just as the speaker was beginning her talk. We sat down, and immediately I knew that was where I needed to be. If sweet Camille had written that talk for anyone, it was for me. She spoke about trials and enduring in Faith; all things I knew. She even referenced a talk by Thomas S. Monson that I have read and used multiple times, but it was all hitting me like brand new information! My hardened shell began to crack... Oh, the Lord knows us so well. He knows just what we need to hear and he knows when we need a good butt kicking.
Well, more than ever, I was absolutely sick and tired of feeling crappy and sucking the happiness out of our house. I spent the rest of the day fighting my rotten attitude and trying to figure out how to get myself out of this funk. By Tuesday, I knew I needed a major attitude adjustment, so what else seemed more appropriate than a haircut?! Thank the Lord for good friends with home salons! My dear Courtney saved me in my desperation for change.
I lost 10 inches of hair and found my HOPE!
Cheers to being happy again!