Not bitter. Just annoyed.

I promise, I'm not being bitter. I really did give that up...

Having a pity party isn't being bitter. It's just throwing a quick tantrum and then moving on. So, that's all I'm doing. I just need to throw a few things, have a fit, and then I will be just fine ;)

In taking slow steps back to the trial and error of infertility, I asked my doctor's office to draw my blood to see at what level my progesterone is hanging out these days. Of course, I knew what the answer would be: my pesky progesterone has returned to the low, single digits (must be double digits to maintain a pregnancy, e.g. my progesterone was a 40 when I got pregnant with Boston)

Was I surprised? No.
Was I outraged? Not really "outraged," just reallly reeeeeallly annoyed.

I think what is even harder than accepting that Tyler and I will not have a baby at the end of July, is accepting that I have to go through all this crap again! I feel like going back to the infertility clinic is doing a walk of shame of the worst kind, like worse than a bridesmaid walking home in an unzipped dress with one shoe on. I was so excited and confident about my pregnancy with Boston, I walked out of that office like they would never see me again, "Peace out ladies! I'm dooooone!" I just can't believe I have to go back.

After I accepted the loss, I got my head wrapped around this wild idea of my body learning to do what it should and miraculously getting pregnant on our own. Now that I know that isn't happening, I feel so defeated... and mad.

I'm mad at my stupid ovaries and my stupid uterus. I'm mad that they just can't get into gear and work like they should. I even yelled at them. I told them they sucked and, unless they wanted to experience my wrath, they should get their act together and start working. They responded by giving me a period... how kind. Of course, of alllll they things they can do! *major, teenager style eye roll*

ANYWAY. I threw my fit, and I'm moving on. Tantrum over, I swear.


Wish me luck with my ovaries!
XO