Desperately Pursuing Peace

No matter what trial you are facing, infertility or not, the end goal always seems to boil down to, ultimately, finding peace.

Am I right?

Life is full of trials. This earth life is a roller coaster of slow, tough climbs and exhilarating free-falls. It is constant for us all. No one is immune- no matter what their life looks like on Facebook! For me, anyways, it always feels like just at the moment I think I've finally found steady ground, at last, I'll soon find myself desperately seeking peace once again.

Honestly, there are days I love this life. I really do! I love evenings and outings, alone with Tyler. I love spontaneous campouts, dates and ice cream runs without worrying about loading a baby in a car seat or finding a sitter. I love my freedom and no one depending on me for their every need. And if I'm totally and selfishly honest, I love Tyler's uninterrupted attention. 4 1/2 years later, I still feel like we are newlyweds. Our life really is beautiful, when I count my blessings and pay close attention. If I stop, breathe deeply, and take inventory, my life really isn't so bad.

But there are so many days I don't see how beautiful life still is. All I notice is how void our home is of tiny hands and feet racing up and down the halls. I long to see toys scattered throughout the living room and vacuum Cheerio crumbs out of the carpet. I long for tired, late night feedings and sleep deprived, exhausted days. I long to snuggle and read bedtime stories. I long to see Tyler softened and changed by fatherhood.

On those trying days when my heart aches for motherhood and I fiercely miss the baby I never got to hold, I find myself on a desperate quest to find peace with the life I have been given.

On just such a day, the Lord recognized my need, and I stumbled upon Psalms 34:

14 Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it. 
18 The Lord is nigh unto them that are of broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth [them] out of them all.
22 The Lord redeemeth the soul of his servants: and none of them that trust in Him shall be desolate. 
So, because I'm a nerd, I then searched seek and pursue in the dictionary:

seek [seek]
verb (used with object), sought, seeking.
1. to go in search or quest of.

pursue [per-soo]
verb (used with object), pursued, pursuing.
1. to follow in order to overtake, capture, etc.; chase.

We can't just long and hope for peace. Sitting on your pitty pot and telling God to give you peace will never yield peace. It doesn't work that way, kids. And it is not enough to just go in search of peace either, we must chase after it and capture it. We must act!

Folks, that is my problem; I seek peace, but I don't pursue it. So, from now on, I vow to have a broken heart and a contrite spirit, and desperately pursue peace like my life depends on it. Many are my afflictions, but the Lord will deliver me out of them all. And with my trust in Him while I pursue peace, I shall not be desolate.

If you want peace, for the love of all that is holy, MAKE PEACE! Take inventory, count your blessings, repair your relationships, forgive others, ask for forgiveness, read scriptures, talk with God daily, listen to what he has to say, be a friend, give service, spend more time with the ones you love, keep a journal, cultivate your talents; whatever is good for your soul- do that, and you will capture peace.

Amen.

XO