My body, my baby, my choice.

Growing up, hearing my birth story year after year at my birthday, I never knew there was another option besides natural childbirth. My mom had all 3 of us naturally. And she never sugar-coated it. I mean, she endured like 20 hours of labor after her water broke just get me out- Oh, and I was 10 lbs. Yeah, my mom is a rockstar! And my Great-Great Grandma was picking cotton when she went into labor, squatted down, gave birth to TWINS, put them in her pack and finished picking her row before heading home. Awesome, right? So, until I was a teenager I didn't even know there was another option for childbirth. I've just always known I wanted a natural birth.

What I didn't know was that by the time I would be preparing for childbirth, medicated births would be such a norm that choosing natural would make me so different. I have been amazed by the reactions I get when people ask and I tell them. "Are you crazy?!" "Why?!" "Well, that's just stupid." "Are you serious?" Then, when I try to explain my reasoning, they just come at me, "You know you won't be able to do it," "No one has natural births anymore," "You'll give in and get the epidural."

I mean, I have FINALLY graduated from infertility and people are still offering me unsolicited advice about my body. Welcome to parenthood, I guess.

First of all, why do people even ask if they don't want to hear my answer? Second of all, what I do with my body and my vagina is really none of your business. Third of all, whatever happens happens. I am smart enough to know that things happen that are out of our control when it comes to labor and delivery. I might end up having to have the epidural, an emergency c-section, whatever. I accept all that. But my preparation and my birth plan will be to first try a non-medicated birth. And that is my choice. Not anyone else's.

I'm not a hippie. I don't think that the medication from the epidural will harm my baby. I know that it is a safe, regularly practiced procedure. I really just have no desire to experience a needle being injected in to my back or feeling numb. That just sounds awful to me. That is just how I feel.

After we found out we lost Boston, the doctor offered me a medication to help my body miscarriage naturally since my body wasn't doing it on its own. The week that followed was a week of hellish pain that I had never and have never since experienced. By the end of the week I ended up in the ER, contracting and hemorrhaging. The last of the clots I pushed out were the size of grapefruits. After my DNC I had 3 days of contractions that were unimaginably painful. I'm not trying to say I have experienced the same as childbirth, because until I go through it I will not know how it compares. What I am saying is that I endured the worst pain of my life and still survived. At least childbirth offers you an incredibly worthwhile reward. I endured all that pushing, contracting and bleeding and left the hospital with empty arms.

So, I have faith in myself and hope that I can do it, and I don't need anyone telling me I can't or that I'm ridiculous.

My body, my baby, my choice.