So Come What May.

This weekend has been an eye-opening one for me.
On Friday, Dr Major tentatively scheduled my c-section for 37 weeks. However, Max's head is the size of a full-term baby's right now. If the fluid continues to increase, as it has, and his head grows any more than a 1/2 inch in the next couple of weeks, we will have to deliver at 35 weeks for his and my safety. We really want him to stay in so the rest of him can keep growing for as long as possible, but if its best for him to come sooner then that's what we'll do.

We could really use all your prayers. It would be another miracle if we could get the fluid growth to subside these last few weeks. But if he has to come sooner, then we need prayers that his lungs and other organs can be developed enough to be born at 35 weeks.

Realizing that we only have 3-5 weeks before delivering sent me in to a straight panic attack as soon as we left the hospital Friday afternoon. (Hormones, anxiety and no meds makes for a great combination for your mental health.) I was suddenly too overwhelmed to think straight. Since our 20 week ultrasound revealed everything about Max, I've just been trying to focus on one doctor appointment at a time. I've been just thinking about what we had to do next, what we needed to find out next. Now, we know everything we need to/can know until he is born. Now, its just a countdown to delivery... he is going to come out!

Suddenly my world is changing drastically. In the last 2 weeks, huge decisions have been made that change everything. We are moving next week, I'm quitting my job to be home/in the hospital with Max, and we scheduled our date to have this baby boy.

For the last 3 years, we've rented my Grandma's basement apartment. It has been awesome. This home has been theirs since I was 2, and it has been my home away from home since I moved to Utah 9 years ago. My Grandma's house has been my safe place, my comfort zone. Leaving it is turning out to be so much harder, emotionally, than I ever thought. We are incredibly blessed to be able to move in with Tyler's parents, though. This will allow me to stay home and take care of Max, which is something I never imagined was possible for us. Plus, any of you who know the Kings know that I pretty much lucked out to have the best in-laws in the world. I love them like my own parents. And as happy as I am for the opportunity to stay home after Max is born, I'm also feeling very lost about it. Except for my first 2 semesters of college, I have worked full time since I was 18 years old. Who am I if I don't go to work every day? And I have been at this same job for 6 years. I know what I do, and I'm good at. I suddenly feel so under-qualified to be Max's mom, which I know is going to be an even bigger job than I could ever dream.

So, yeah, realizing all of this in a matter of 2 weeks sent me in to a panic attack. How can I do all of this? How can so much be changing all at once? Everything that keeps me feeling safe and comfortable is about to unravel very quickly.

After spending my weekend drenched in anxiety and trying to pack up our lives to move, I went to church on Sunday feeling exhausted. And just as He does, God let me know he loved me and knew me through a hymn. We sang "I Believe in Christ," and I was overcome with the feeling that the hymn was picked just to help me. I have always loved this beautiful declaration of belief in the Savior, but on Sunday the words took on new meaning to me.

I believe in Christ; he is my King!
With all my heart to him I'll sing;
I'll raise my voice in praise and joy,
In grand amens my tongue employ.
I believe in Christ; he is God's Son.
On earth to dwell his soul did come.
He healed the sick; the dead he raised.
Good works were his; his name be praised.


I believe in Christ; oh blessed name!
As Mary's Son he came to reign
'Mid mortal men, his earthly kin,
To save them from the woes of sin.
I believe in Christ, who marked the path,
Who did gain all his Father hath,
Who said to men: "Come, follow me,
That ye, my friends, with God may be."

I believe in Christ--my Lord, my God!
My feet he plants on gospel sod.
I'll worship him with all my might;
He is the source of truth and light.
I believe in Christ; he ransoms me.
From Satan's grasp he sets me free,
And I shall live with joy and love
In his eternal courts above.

I believe in Christ; he stands supreme!
From him I'll gain my fondest dream;
And while I strive through grief and pain,
His voice is heard: "Ye shall obtain."
I believe in Christ; so come what may,
With him I'll stand in that great day
When on this earth he comes again
To rule among the sons of men.

"I beleive in Christ; so come what may"
No words were more needed in my life at this moment. Whatever is scary, whatever worries we have, whatever is changing; it doesn't matter, because I beleive in Christ. Those words were so powerful to me. As stressed as I was about all that is coming, I suddenly knew I could do it.

I beleive in Christ, in the atonement that sanctifies me and in His great love that holds me up. So, come what may. With Christ beside us, sometimes carrying us, we can get through anything. 

XO.