For once I fell asleep before midnight. Usually, I'm still trying to fall asleep by the early morning hours, but today I am rested and up before the sun. It feels so good! I'm sitting here in the quiet, pondering. I had a rough start to my week, but the Lord granted me some tender mercies to pull me back up. It is just so easy to get caught up in fears and worries, so easy to forget faith and trust, so easy to slip and loose ground. This was just one of those weeks where I was depressingly caught up in wanting God to reveal His plans to me. Like, "I'm so special that you should just tell me my future, so I can chill out. I know you've never done that for anyone else, but, come on God, it's me."

Ugh. Sometimes I can't even believe myself. *big eye roll*

Faith is not being told the plan so we can "chill." Faith is believing and trusting and going forward with hope. I had to be reminded of that this week. I was just feeling so desperate and dismayed like, "How will things ever work out? When will it all work out?" Well, in answer to that, I came across this scripture:

Yea, and how is it that ye have forgotten that the Lord is able to do all things, according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise faith in him? Wherefore let us be faithful to him.
And if it so be that we are faithful to him, we shall obtain [promise]; and ye shall know at some future period that the word of the Lord shall be fulfilled...
1 Nephi 7:12-13
"How is it that ye have forgotten?" Those words jumped up at me. How easily we do forget the most basic principles. The Lord is able to do all things, according to His will; His will. Not mine. Even our most righteous desires can take time to be fulfilled, but our prayers never go unanswered without purpose. Heavenly Father knows what is best for us, knows what we need and when we need it. Someday, if we endure faithfully, His promises will be fulfilled. 

So no, things don't always go according to our plans. Or how about ever? Raise your hand if your life is perfectly on track with your plans. Yeah, that's what I thought. I mean come on, we make a lot of plans in life, especially when we are young. And those plans typically change day to day, or even by the hour! From the time they can talk we start asking little ones, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" When I was little, I used to tell my parents, "I want to be an ambulance!" Obviously, I didn't want to grow up to be an emergency vehicle, and my parents had to correct me that what I wanted to be was an EMT. It didn't take too long for my sensitive little self to realize that the medical field was no place for me, my emotions, or my weak stomach. Then, after many Monday nights trying to steal my dad's attention from football, I decided I wanted to be a cheerleader. My lack of balance soon helped end that dream. For a long time growing up I thought I wanted to be a Kindergarten teacher. By high school, I dreamed of becoming a fashion designer or a buyer. So, in college, I went in to sales and ended up in marketing, which is a far cry from being a "ambulance." 

However, aside from my lengthy and changing list of dream jobs, one plan never changed. I had one, rigidly unchanging plan. I wanted to grow up, graduate from college, work in a career, get married and then be a stay-at-home mom. That was all I wanted. Growing up in a small family, I dreamed of having 5 or 6 kids and living a simple life to accommodate being home to raise them. Above everything else I had ever imagined, that was truly what I wanted. But plans change. And we have to roll with it. I got married before I graduated college, my husband is still in college, and our children are in heaven. Plans change. 

So, why bother making plans if nothing works out? That's not what I mean, you pessimist. What I mean is, let's not set ourselves rigidly unchanging plans. Let's make achievable goals, and realistic hopes and dreams. Life is messy and complicated and unpredictable. If we base our happiness on plans, we'll never be happy. We have to base our happiness on our blessings, gratitude and achievements. Yes, there are plenty of disappointments, but there are plenty of blessings.

I guess then, what I'm trying to say, is I'm not making any plans right now. I'm setting goals, but not making plans. I don't know what the future holds. I don't know what the Lord has in store for us. I know that He has made us promises and I KNOW that we will obtain those promises someday. I have faith in Him and in His plans that if I live righteously and endure, those plans will eventually be revealed. But I can and I will be happy with this life right now, because THIS IS STILL A GOOD LIFE. Life didn't happen the way I planned it, but it will happen the way God plans it.

Stop making plans, Stay faithful.